Book Review: Before You Found Me by Brooke Beyfuss

When Rowan McNamara’s abusive fiance Ethan throws her through a plate glass window, it’s the impetus she needs to finally leave him. Though he’s arrested for this latest act of battery, she knows that physical distance is key for her recovery, both physically and emotionally. This is no small task, as he’s not the kind of person who’ll relinquish his control over her that easily.

As she waits for her estranged older sister Celia to ready their childhood home for her to move into all the way out in Oklahoma, she drives hours away from where she’d previously lived on the East Coast to take refuge in the New England home of Laine Mae, her oldest, and perhaps her only, friend. Ethan had made sure to isolate Rowan from any form of support system as soon as he could, so in addition to having no friends, the twenty-two year-old has no job and no education beyond her high school diploma. Laine, at least, has done her best to stay in touch. When she learns that Rowan needs help, she readily offers her house, sitting vacant while she visits her grandparents overseas.

At first, Laine’s place is everything Rowan could ask for: a quiet, secure refuge where Ethan won’t be able to find her. But when she makes the acquaintance of the child “grounded” in the basement next door, a new set of complications arise:

Gabriel had pulled back from the window, partially shrouded in darkness. But there was enough light to see something was off; he was fidgety, constantly moving, like he didn’t want her to get a good look at him. His face was just as smudged as it had been a few days ago, but now it didn’t look like dirt. Her mind kept clicking, flashing memories of her own face, her old face, welts and bruises, one after another, until the picture was whole, and she realized exactly what was in front of her.

Rowan has no intention of letting the abused eleven year-old continue to live in the same house as his deranged father, but she’s reluctant to call in the authorities. Gabriel’s experience with them has been disappointing at best. Rowan herself knows firsthand that growing up in the foster system is incredibly difficult. So she decides to take the extreme measure of orchestrating his escape and taking him with her to Oklahoma. In the strict legal definition of the word, she kidnaps him.

Their first few months together are fraught, not because of any friction between the two but because of their constant fear of being found out. Rowan is forced to throw herself on Celia’s mercy, but the nurse practitioner rises to the occasion, if not with the greatest grace. Alas not everyone else recognizes or understands the bond between the two. When Dell, an emergency medical technician, enters their lives following a horrific disaster, Gabriel develops a hatred for him based on Dell’s refusal to let him see Rowan when she was injured. As Gabriel explains to Rowan, who’s started dating Dell:

“I mean I’m nothing to you. […] Maybe if I said I was your brother or your kid or someone important, he would have let me see you.”

 

“Who cares what Dell or anyone else thinks we are? We know. And no matter what happens, he will never be as important to me as you are. Never.”

 

“What good is that if we can’t tell anyone? You’re not my mom, and I’m not your kid–we’re nothing. It’ll always be like that. You barely know Dell, but you can already call him something people will understand.” Gabriel wiped his face with the hem of his shirt. “I hate him for that.”

Society’s refusal to take found families seriously is only one of the thoughtful topics broached in Brooke Beyfuss’ sophomore published novel. As always, she tackles the difficult subjects of abuse and emotional recovery with sensitivity, creating sympathetic characters whose motivations you can always understand. I loved, too, how in her afterword she explains how she was very careful to ensure that Rowan never treated Gabriel as an adult: after all he’d gone through, it was important to Rowan that Gabriel got to be a kid.

Never has a criminal act and the subsequent evasion of authority been depicted as so justified and necessary as this. Both moving and thought-provoking, this tear-jerker of a novel will resonate with anyone who has even an ounce of empathy and compassion, and who understands that love isn’t just about giving indiscriminately. As Before You Found Me masterfully shows, love requires an active, on-going partnership of communication and care, even against all odds.