There are several tools available—ranging from Internet quizzes to survival guides—that can help you assess your zombie knowledge and preparedness level. The important thing to remember is that if your dear friend or family member has already become a zombie, they are lost and you must take steps to defend yourself.
Let’s get started with this not so helpful instructional video that suggests zombies can be our friends. This type of thinking can be dangerous.
The fatal fallacy in the “zombies can be your friends” theory can be seen in this quote from the video: “The typical zombie only thinks about brain eating fifty-two percent of the time.” This statistic is supposed to reassure us, but I value my brain. Fifty-two percent is fifty-two percent too much, in my opinion.
Knowing your enemy can be the difference between life and death. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (yes, the CDC) has developed a document called, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic” which follows a family—Todd, Julie and their dog, Max—as a disease begins turning people into zombies. (Of course, the guide also gives practical information that could be used in the event of non-zombie pandemic.) The CDC even has a blog outlining pre-zombie apocalypse preparation and offers downloadable Zombie preparedness posters. Although, if a zombie attacks you, I don’t think a poster will help much, even if you roll it up.
The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks promises “Complete Protection from the Living Dead.” It helps you understand the nature of the zombie virus, along with weapons and combat techniques that will help you defend your life and your home. Deploying these techniques can ensure a much higher human to zombie ratio after the battle begins.
Once you’ve finished digesting all of this information, then and only then will you be ready to test your overall knowledge. You can take the quiz from the Science Channel to see how much life saving information you’ve retained. (Make sure you know the main ingredient for Haitian voodoo powder. It may also help to watch the Wes Craven movie, The Serpent and the Rainbow, before you begin.)
This video suggests one way to pre-empt a zombie attack, although I wouldn’t try it at home.
Not convinced that a zombie apocalypse is even possible? Cracked.com goes through the logic in 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen. This article goes in-depth not only on how certain poisons can turn people into zombies but also outlines brain experiments going on around the world. You may find their discoveries surprising.
And that, my friends, is my compilation of zombie apocalypse preparation resources. But one can never be too ready; please share your favorite zombie survival tips below.
Now is not the time to be shy. We can all use the help we can get!
Deborah Lacy is an avid mystery reader and aspiring novelist. She has spent too much time preparing for the zombie apocalypse. You can follow her on twitter @quippy.
Check out all of Deborah Lacy’s Criminal Element posts.
Hysterical!! Considering that when Laura posted her hand-made zombie dolls, I had to ask a friend to tell me exactly what a zombie is, I had no right to have as much fun with this post as I did. Great job!!
This is hilarious, and you spent far too much time putting all of this together when you could have been practicing your zombie killing techniques.
@Terrie – Laura’s doll is incredibly awesome. I’m glad you now know what a zombie is. It’s super important.
@KimM.Hammond – I see it as a service to others.
I saw an app that you use when running. It’s a Zombies are chasing you type of thing and is meant to help you train as a runner. Someday I may have a smartphone and I will get that app to train to evade the Zombies chasing me.
@Kerry – there’s an article about the app right here: http://www.criminalelement.com/blogs/2012/03/zombies-run
I think that’s an excellent idea.
LOVE this. You know I think the zombie apocalypse could happen at anytime…
There are also good tips in the movie Zombieland (i.e. Rule #1: cardio).
@tylepard – cardio is very important, but so are strategy and weapons…
I am mortified to admit this after my comment (see above) that I wasn’t exactly sure what a zombie is until Undead Month started here at CE. I took the “[url=http://www.criminalelement.com/blogs/2012/04/undead-quiz-what-kind-of-monster-are-you][u]Undead Quiz[/u][/url]” linked through CE to Facebook. Lo and behold: I AM A ZOMBIE. No wonder I didn’t know what a zombie is. In my world zombie equals normal.
Uh oh now @Terrie knows all of our zombie fighting secrets. Game on people. Lots of cardio.
Had to post another comment, since this Monday’s episode of Castle deals with this very topic the zombie appocalypse…
You can see a preview here:
http://tvline.com/2012/04/26/castle-season-4-episode-22-undead-again/